9: An Artist At Friend-Making

     In the ninth letter to his friend Lucilius, Seneca discusses one of the disputes between the Stoic school of philosophy (he considers himself to be a Stoic) and their rivals the Epicureans on the issue of whether or not the wise person is self-sufficient. Seneca writes:
          "Our position [that of the Stoics] is different from theirs [the Epicureans] in that our wise person conquers all adversities, but still feels them; theirs does not even feel them. That the sage is self-sufficient is a point held in common between us; yet even though he is content with himself, he still wishes to have a friend, a neighbor, a companion. ... He is self-sufficient, not in that that he wants to be without a friend, but in that he is able to -- by which I mean that he bears the loss with equanimity. But in truth he will never be without a friend, for it rests with him how quickly he gets a replacement. Just as Phidias [a famous sculptor in ancient Athens], if he should lose one of his statues, would immediately make another, so this artist at friend-making will substitute another in place of the one who is lost."
     My late friend Brian Lingle was an artist at friend-making. Brian died suddenly around this time three years ago. At his funeral, our mutual friend John gave a moving (and humorous) eulogy, in which he remarked that many of Brian's friends considered him to be their best friend. In my own case, I went through a major depressive episode around the turn of the millennium, which included one week in the hospital and one month off from work. For a year after that -- and perhaps longer -- Brian would drive to my house every Saturday or Sunday morning (regardless of the Chicago weather) in his barely-functioning old car, so that we could go for a run together along the shores of Lake Michigan. His concern for me, which he showed in actions more than in words, was a major factor in my recovery.
     In my reading of Seneca, despite the passage of two thousand years between us, I find myself in agreement with much of what he had to say. But on at least one point I disagree with him: although I have other friends, and hope to make more, I will never find a substitute for Brian.
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     Seneca, Letters on Ethics to Lucilius, Translated with an Introduction and Commentary by Margaret Graver and A.A. Long (University of Chicago Press, Chicago and London, 2015), Letter 9, 3-5, page 40.